ifbymyhands | (no subject)

(no subject)

I know I have to live for everybody else. It might just be me, but I don't want to do that anymore. Yeah, the community punishes you if you look too hard into what makes it work, but honestly, I'd prefer being turned into a toad to just letting everyone disappear. We lost three more people in the last two days, and that's just people I know.

I'm gonna try and find out everything I can. Maybe I'm not a genius, but there's gotta be some kind of pattern for this. Or at least a way to find out how to make a miracle. Some way to get everyone back and keep more people from disappearing.

...Except Water Filter-san. She can stay gone.

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It is difficult to see friends leave so often. And I am sorry that I cannot think of something to say to reassure you.

That's okay, I'm just bitter.

Please do not give into that bitterness. It is even harder living through regret.

You're telling me. I have too much of that.

As someone who has to live through the same, how do you usually cope with your regrets?

Usually... Well, my mom told me that I should live for everyone who can't.

That is a good philosophy.

I think so. But at some point, it just gets to feel like it's not enough.

Perhaps you should try finding your own reason to keep going. But then, I am not as good about following my own advice.

It sounds like you've had your own problems.

That is true. I fought in a terrible war some years ago, and I am wandering to help people and maybe make up for some of my sins.

That's awful. Compared to that, my complaints are pretty minor.

Edited 2014-03-06 01:59 (UTC)

It is all right. I think it helps to know you can worry about minor complaints.

Not really.

Maybe not at first. But it eventually gives you hope that you have made it past the worst.

Maybe, but still, other people have it way worse.

They do. And perhaps you are right to live for their sake.

Hope so.

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